What School Got Wrong

Personal authenticity is the only golden ring worth grabbing.

Did anyone else’s high school yearbook have a photo of people voted most likely to succeed dressed in suits and fanning stacks of cash?

That’s how success was laid out in front of me when I was in school — and I was really good at doing “the things” that were supposed to get me there. I was high school valedictorian and did all the extracurricular activities (although I wasn’t one of the people in that most likely to succeed photo!). I repeated all that in undergrad, then went to a top-15 law school and grabbed onto the credentials that the legal world says matter, like being on law review and getting a federal appellate clerkship.

And following that path led to what was promised: a job at a boutique law firm in Washington, DC, filled with crazy talented — and actually nice! — lawyers, representing some of the biggest companies in the world on national and international issues.

Unfortunately, working as a lawyer left me clinically depressed, chronically fatigued, stressed, and anxious. And I felt trapped into a law firm job by my six-figure student debt from that fancy law school — even though everyone had said before I went to law school that if I didn’t like being a lawyer, I could go do anything with a law degree. <cue the experienced lawyers to start laughing>

I’d always liked school so much, and it had come so naturally, that I was completely thrown by discovering that I hated practicing law. I’d thought being a lawyer would be a natural next step. I knew enough about myself to know that I wouldn’t like a job in engineering or science, but I’d liked words, writing and reasoning in school. Wasn’t getting this kind of job the entire reason that doing well in school had been so important? Wasn’t this why we’d cared about things like class rank, SAT scores, and how highly US News and World Report rated a college or grad school?

I spent four years at the law firm, and then was fortunate enough to land a legal job with a Global Fortune 500 company that offered 9–5 hours, some international travel, and again, really nice people. This would be great, right?

Well, it was a lot better for me than the law firm, but that turned out to be a mixed blessing. It was just better enough that I felt like I should stay — and that I felt ungrateful and guilty for not being happy at my job. It didn’t exactly feel like golden handcuffs, but I was living in what Dan Miller aptly calls “comfortable misery.”

I stayed there for a number of years, but eventually, I hit complete and utter burnout and was forced to quit to be able to rest and recover. I really hope my situation was extreme, but there are enough articles documenting how common depression, anxiety, alcoholism and suicide are among lawyers, that I certainly wasn’t an anomaly — and might actually have been on the lucky side.

And the truth is that there was a huge silver lining to being so unhappy for so long: I dove deeply into learning what was going on to make me so unhappy. And I did. I learned that a poor career fit is just a big a cause of burnout as being intensely overworked. That being able to do a job well has nothing to do with whether it is a good fit for you. That for me, I needed a career where I could work directly with people and make a difference for them– while still paying my mortgage.

I learned about different types of career aptitudes and how they related to career fit. I learned how much I enjoyed applying my problem solving and analytical aptitudes to people and their struggles, even though it felt like pulling teeth to apply those skills to the law all day. I focused on and grew my EQ, not just IQ. I learned how vital it was to concretely identify personal key values to guide someone to a fulfilling career.

All of that led me to the first work that I’ve ever actually enjoyed — being a life coach (unsurprisingly, one with a special interest in career transitions!). There was a long time I thought I must just hate work and may not be cut out for “the real world.” But working with people to overcome difficult situations and see transformations in their lives? I love it. I experience flow. I lose track of time. I forget to eat (which had never happened before!). I seek out more tools to help my clients, rather than getting away from work as quickly as I can. Heck, I’m writing this article during vacation and I’m delighted to be spending vacation time doing it.

I know people who are happy with a “good enough” job and that can be a good life choice. But if you’re reading this article, you’re probably feeling and wanting some of what I was. Maybe you don’t need a complete career revolution like I did — maybe you just need a career evolution. But you truly deserve to, and can, find joy and fulfillment in your career — while still supporting yourself and your family.

So, here are a few resources that I’ve found helpful.

· Books: Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck, No More Dreaded Mondays by Dan Miller, and Pivot by Jenny Blake. Also, although less about career change, I like Gretchen Rubin’s work on the Four Tendencies— it can be a useful tool for setting yourself up to accomplish your goals.

· Aptitude Tests: If you’re in the Washington, DC area, I love the Ability Potentials test, and there are other aptitude tests available in other areas. These tests don’t rely on you reporting your own likes and tendencies, so your results aren’t influenced by your perceptions and blind spots. Like other personality tests, these aren’t going to give you all the answers, but they provide very valuable pieces of the puzzle.

· Coaching: For me, it took working with a good coach to see the transformation I was looking for. (Shoutout to the marvelous Lisa Lewis!) I was a bit hesitant at first because a good coach is an investment, but it cost something like 1 percent of what law school cost me and within weeks, I’d reaped more benefit than I ever have from my legal education. Obviously I’m partial to my own coaching services, but there are a lot of good coaches out there. A good coach will often have a free initial conversation and will help you find the person that’s the right fit for you, whether it’s themselves or someone else.

So if you’re unhappy with your job or even doing fine but want to be doing great, please don’t stay stuck! And if you’re feeling like it’s ungrateful to want more than “a good job,” my next article will discuss how complaining — with intentionality — can get you to a place of fulfillment, true gratitude and making a difference in the world.